10 for 60

for my 60th, talking about the things that bring me joy

I am going to turn 60 years old one week from today. That is not a number that inspires confidence; I have bumbled my way through this life and I assume I will spend the rest of my life doing the same. I was thinking of taking a page from the wise and wonderful Maya Kosoff and doing 60 things I’ve learned in 60 years, but I don’t think I’ve learned that much. If I did, I surely would be in a different place. I never really learned from my mistakes and with any valuable lessons I have learned, I came to the conclusion too late. That is not to say my life is shit. I have somehow managed to land on my feet every time things went awry. Sometimes the landing came much later than I would have liked, but I stuck the landing nonetheless.

So here I am on the precipice of 60 having gained a healthy fear of aging and the shadow of death hanging over me and I’m thinking, what else do I say about suddenly becoming an old person. What can I bring to the table besides a creeping resignation that this is all there is to life?

Well, despite all my mistakes and misgivings, despite all my failures and missteps, I’ve led a pretty joyful life, thanks mostly to the people I have surrounded myself with. It’s good to have family and friends who help you see the good in life when you’re feeling bad. So I thought I’d offer up a list of positivity, of goodness and warmth. No lessons here, just some things that have brought me joy in my life so far. I hope you also find joy in some of these things, and I hope they inspire you to find joy in whatever you can.

1. My kids, of course. Natalie and DJ, now 32 and 29, have provided me years of happiness. Oh, sure, there have been tears and screaming and anger and frustration, but watching them grow and turn into wonderful, talented adults with a great sense of humor and appreciation of everything around them makes up for all the angst.

2. I recommend getting a dog if you want to experience joy and comfort and happiness. Ren, my miniature schnauzer, is my constant companion who brings a smile to my face every time I look at her.

3. Family. I know I am blessed and lucky to have such a close, supportive family. I never take this for granted and I thank my lucky stars every day that I was born into the family I was. My parents live across the street from me and while my younger self may have bristled at that, my older self loves it.

4. Nature brings me incredible joy. Summer sunsets, the first snow, changing leaves, newly blooming flowers, mountains and the ocean, it all fills me with a sense of wonder, makes my heart happy. There is so much more to this world than the people who inhabit it.

5. If you know me at all, you know how much I love music. I am still, at my advanced age, finding new music to listen to every day. I love discovering new to me bands, as well as going back to the music of my youth and reliving in my head the days when I felt free and like anything was possible.

6. I love food. Eating good food brings me great joy. This isn’t always a great thing as I depend on food for joy too much, but man there is nothing like a great meal, whether it’s in a restaurant or one I spent time cooking myself. The chicken francese from Elisa’s or the linguini with clam sauce from Vincent’s or the pignoli cookies from Dortoni’s - it’s all so life affirming.

7. Lake Tahoe. Maybe I’ll never get back there again, being that it was “our” place, but just thinking about it or looking at pictures from the many times we were there fill my heart with happiness. The beauty of the lake, the woods, the mountains, the way the air just feels fresher up there, the incredible vacations we spent in Tahoe and Truckee. I will never forget any of it and Lake Tahoe remains my favorite spot on earth.

8. Sports bring me agony and heartbreak way too often, but I love them deeply because the occasional joy they bring me is large in scope. Whether it’s a championship (been too long), or just a majestic home run or a well fought win, the pleasure I get from watching most of the time negates the blues I get over a loss.

9. I have two close friends who are always there for me when I need them, who will drop anything to help me out, who share their lives and their own joys with me. I’ve known Barbara for 32 years; we met at a mother’s group when our kids were babies. Melodi has been my friend for 16 years. We met on an internet forum and have seen each other only three times in those years, but our friendship remains intact and important to me. She has talked me down off of many a ledge. Sharing my life with them has brought me great joy. You don’t need a slew of friends to appreciate what real friendship is.

10. I am, of course, thankful for many little thing that bring me joy. I’m thankful for the little kids down the block who make me smile as they learn how to ride their bikes, yelping with glee at every little bit of success. I’m thankful for all dogs, for their adorable faces and their love of being scratched between the ears. I give thanks for candles that smell like baked goods, for rainbow cookies and oat milk and weighted blankets and good weed. I’m thankful for the hydrangea bushes that bloom in my yard every year, for Hallmark Christmas movies, for my tattoo guy, and life saving vaccines and buttered toast. Sometimes it’s the small things that make my heart swell.

Well, I was going to do 60 of these things, but ten is enough to expect you to read. Suffice it to say there are many things in my life that bring me unmitigated joy. I’ve learned to really appreciate these things, to soak them up when I can and save some of that joy in a compartment in my heart for when I really need it. Just looking at pictures of when my kids were little, of vacations past, of holiday gatherings or blooming flowers can make my heart soar. Listening to my favorite bands, hearing that work is closed because of snow, the first time I hear the ice cream man at the beginning of summer. So much joy to go around.

I think about all these things as I get closer and closer to this big birthday. The number 60 looms big and instead of letting my brain go to that place where I think about how little time I have left around here, I’m going to think about all of the joys I have yet to experience, along with all that have already warmed my heart. I will celebrate my birthday instead of dread it, I will find joy in blowing out candles on the cake my family sets out before me, and I will wish for many more years of loving the little things that make life worth living.