joy: week 5

having my cake and eating it, too

It’s not always easy to find the joy in your life. Some weeks go by in a blur, and it feels like you never had time to stop and experience all that life has to offer. Sometimes the week is filled with doctor appointments and straightening up the house and stressful situations and you are hard pressed to find any joy at all.

But joy does not have to come from big things, and looking back on your week at 5am on a Sunday after eating an edible, you can leisurely go back through your days and find that ok, there were some bright spots. Not many, but they were there.

I am having surgery tomorrow and will be in the hospital for a few days. So let’s take a few moments to talk about happy things before I start that misery.

Epiphany

My first joy comes from right here on my newsletter.

I wrote about memories, and how we store them, how looking back on things critically can help you move forward. And by writing all that, I was able to have a breakthrough:

I have stopped loving him. By giving life to my memories and looking fully and deeply into the past with clarity, I am able to let go. I have been looking for this, waiting for this moment for over two years. I am free.

This was like a weight lifted off of me. I felt freer and lighter than I had in months after writing that and coming to that realization. A part of me has healed. And boy does that spark joy.

Cake

Oh, I had some delicious cake this week from Cardinali’s bakery in Carle Place (Long Island). Wonderful stuff. Decadent, even. But most of my Cake devouring came in the form of listening to the band’s entire discography in one sitting. I love this band and I realize they are not for everyone, but their music brings me such happiness. “It’s Coming Down” played while it was pouring outside and it just felt sublime. I kept thinking about a woman leaving a man on a rainy day and taking her mattress with her. The imagery in Cake songs is so wonderful. John McCrea really knows how to paint a picture.

Oh, you want a picture of the cake I ate, too? Fine.

Tea Time

My kids bought me a fancy electric tea kettle and a bunch of tea for Mother’s Day. I am a tea person now. I set up a little area for all of it and now I have my tea corner and I can sip tea and look out the window pensively like I’m in a commercial. It’s the little things.

I may have only three things this week, but they were very good things. I don’t know what next week will bring, what with the hospital stay and all, but I’m hoping for some small joys to make themselves known. I hope you had a good week and were able to find those small spots of happiness.