On Giving Thanks

looking for things to be grateful for in a year that felt like nothing was good

Every Thanksgiving, like thousands of other families, we go around the table and talk about what we are thankful for. We all have our usual answers; family, friends, the food we’re about to eat. So we try to come up with less obvious things. Thanksgiving is two weeks away and I’m already thinking about this and dreading it somewhat. It’s not been an easy year, and I’m left feeling like I have so little to be thankful for right now aside from the pat answers.

I’m thankful I got through this year so far without having a nervous breakdown. I’m thankful I didn’t succumb to my despair and check out entirely, because that’s what I wanted to do at first - just sink into my bed, throw the covers over my head and emerge only to pee or eat the occasional pint of ice cream. But these are not things I would say at the Thanksgiving table with my family gathered around me. They’re morose thoughts, negative and upsetting. Instead, I am going to reach back and find the things that bring me joy, things that have brought light to the darkness, things that make me feel glad I’m still alive.

But I am also thinking, what if I’m not grateful for anything at this time? What if I’m soured on life, feeling cynical and jaded, disappointed in the world? Sure, I could still trudge out the old “thankful for my family” trope - and I am truly thankful for them - but what else is there? Should I be that grump at the Thanksgiving dinner table who says they aren’t feeling very grateful or thankful at this time? Of course not, I can’t do that. I will conform to the ways of tradition and forego talking about my impending divorce and ongoing heartbreak and will instead find something positive to say.

I am, of course, thankful for many little things. Fall foliage, the deep hues of a winter sunset, the stray cats who perch on my lawn in the morning. The beauty of the first snow, the music that fills my life, buttered popcorn. I’m thankful for the little kids down the block who bring me such joy as they learn how to ride their bikes, yelping with glee at every little bit of success. I’m thankful for dogs, for their adorable faces and their love of being scratched between the ears. I give thanks for candles that smell like baked goods, for rainbow cookies and oat milk and weighted blankets and good weed. I’m thankful for the hydrangea bushes that bloom in my yard every year, for Hallmark Christmas movies, for my tattoo guy, and life saving vaccines.

These are all things I could say before we pass the turkey on Thanksgiving. They might seem trite to some but to me, they are the things that make up the joy in my life. They all provide little spots of happiness in a world that has felt bleak and depressing of late. They all take me momentarily out of my sad existence and propel me into a better mood. How could I not be thankful for them?

I know when Thanksgiving dinner rolls around and it’s my turn to give thanks, I will say how thankful I am for my family, because this year would have been awful without them by my side, providing me support and comfort. But I think I’m going to make a list of the little thing I am thankful for as well and read it out loud at the table. It may make my family share their own little things they are thankful for; it may bring us an extra added joy on a family holiday.

I wish I took the time to do this more than once a year, to sit back and reflect on the things that truly make me glad to be alive. It’s an exercise that’s good for both your heart and soul. Our lives are busy, we don’t always make the time for reflection. And it’s so easy to think about all the bills we have to pay, and work that is unfinished, and climate change and other things that portend the end of the world that we think of these things all the time and they make us feel like we have so little to be thankful for. But the little things are there, and the little things add up, and we should give thanks for them.

Tell me about the little things you are thankful for.