I agree that you don't owe him anything. For myself, I learned long ago to distinguish between forgiveness and absolution. Absolution is something I do for someone who has wronged me. Forgiveness is what I do for myself. It is a way of declaring to myself and for myself that I will no longer live my life shackled to the past. I will no longer carry this baggage with me. I will no longer allow that other person to live rent-free in my head long after they have done whatever they have done to wrong me. It does not make what they did OK. It does not mean we can go back to the way things were. It does not mean that I tell the other person that I forgive them. It means I am dropping this heavy weight here and now, and refusing to carry it forward in my life. And the person I most need to forgive is myself.
That doesn't make it easy at first. Some of the best advice I ever received was to compare forgiveness to a shower. It's something I have to do every day to stay clean. And when I am diligent with this practice, in time the pain fades to a dull ache and eventually to gratitude for the lessons learned. And a sincere wish that the other person is happy, wherever they are and whatever they are doing. Living my life every day is hard enough without carrying around excess baggage from the past.
I truly appreciate you sharing your pain. It's part of what makes us human. And I hope you are able to find peace for yourself
I felt this so deeply, thank you for sharing it
I agree that you don't owe him anything. For myself, I learned long ago to distinguish between forgiveness and absolution. Absolution is something I do for someone who has wronged me. Forgiveness is what I do for myself. It is a way of declaring to myself and for myself that I will no longer live my life shackled to the past. I will no longer carry this baggage with me. I will no longer allow that other person to live rent-free in my head long after they have done whatever they have done to wrong me. It does not make what they did OK. It does not mean we can go back to the way things were. It does not mean that I tell the other person that I forgive them. It means I am dropping this heavy weight here and now, and refusing to carry it forward in my life. And the person I most need to forgive is myself.
That doesn't make it easy at first. Some of the best advice I ever received was to compare forgiveness to a shower. It's something I have to do every day to stay clean. And when I am diligent with this practice, in time the pain fades to a dull ache and eventually to gratitude for the lessons learned. And a sincere wish that the other person is happy, wherever they are and whatever they are doing. Living my life every day is hard enough without carrying around excess baggage from the past.
I truly appreciate you sharing your pain. It's part of what makes us human. And I hope you are able to find peace for yourself
❤️
This speaks to me deeply. Thank you 💗. I hope you find peace.
Wise words, thank you. ❤️