I very distinctly remember being about 8 and at church while visiting my grandparents. We were there early for the adults to do confession. And I remember this thought hitting my 8-year-old little brain.... if God already knows everything we think or do, and he knows if we are really sorry for any of it, what is the point of confession? But I wasn't brave enough to ask my grandmother that question.
Years later I was in confession while in high school and I guess feeling edgy like 17 years olds do, so while in confession I asked the Priest that question that hit me when I was 8. To his credit, he gave me a damn good answer. He said saying it out loud makes it more real for many people, and helps them actually process it and deal with their actions and feelings. That was probably one of the last times I went to confession.
We tried again when we were expecting our first kid - as that is what good young GenX parents do - go back to church. We tried a couple of Catholic parishes and a couple of non-denomination churches before writing it all off for good. Have been in a church only for weddings and funerals since. Like you, I do sort of miss the community aspect of it, but there is too much other baggage associated with it to ever seriously consider returning.
Of all the things I've read of yours, this probably hits closer to home than anything else. I guess I'm even more estranged from the Catholic church -- or any church for that matter -- because I've never had the inclination to even try going back. All the years of Sunday church and catechism after school are a very distant memory. What I do remember about church and catechism is being told over and over and over again how I was bad to the core and should always be begging for forgiveness lest I should burn in hell for the rest of whatever. Okay, that's probably a bit overstated but that's how it felt to me. It all seemed so negative and threatening. I was, basically, a good, kind, happy little kid who didn't respond well to those messages. I formed a deep resentment of the church early on. I can remember thoughts like, "Why are they making me feel like I'm a bad kid? My mom and dad don't make me feel this way." Eventually, I got to the point you describe so well where I became aware of all the horrible people and things happening in the world around me. It was at that point I put the Catholic church and religion as a whole behind me and never looked back.
I very distinctly remember being about 8 and at church while visiting my grandparents. We were there early for the adults to do confession. And I remember this thought hitting my 8-year-old little brain.... if God already knows everything we think or do, and he knows if we are really sorry for any of it, what is the point of confession? But I wasn't brave enough to ask my grandmother that question.
Years later I was in confession while in high school and I guess feeling edgy like 17 years olds do, so while in confession I asked the Priest that question that hit me when I was 8. To his credit, he gave me a damn good answer. He said saying it out loud makes it more real for many people, and helps them actually process it and deal with their actions and feelings. That was probably one of the last times I went to confession.
We tried again when we were expecting our first kid - as that is what good young GenX parents do - go back to church. We tried a couple of Catholic parishes and a couple of non-denomination churches before writing it all off for good. Have been in a church only for weddings and funerals since. Like you, I do sort of miss the community aspect of it, but there is too much other baggage associated with it to ever seriously consider returning.
Of all the things I've read of yours, this probably hits closer to home than anything else. I guess I'm even more estranged from the Catholic church -- or any church for that matter -- because I've never had the inclination to even try going back. All the years of Sunday church and catechism after school are a very distant memory. What I do remember about church and catechism is being told over and over and over again how I was bad to the core and should always be begging for forgiveness lest I should burn in hell for the rest of whatever. Okay, that's probably a bit overstated but that's how it felt to me. It all seemed so negative and threatening. I was, basically, a good, kind, happy little kid who didn't respond well to those messages. I formed a deep resentment of the church early on. I can remember thoughts like, "Why are they making me feel like I'm a bad kid? My mom and dad don't make me feel this way." Eventually, I got to the point you describe so well where I became aware of all the horrible people and things happening in the world around me. It was at that point I put the Catholic church and religion as a whole behind me and never looked back.
I miss the social interaction but not the message of fear (believe as we do or bad things will happen) that comes with most faiths.